Parting is such sweet sorrow ... not really.

You know the scene in Romeo and Juliet where they both die, or rather Romeo thinks Juliet is dead, drinks poison and kills himself but then she awakens only to find Romeo dead? Well that was a little how the beginning of 2012 felt for me.  Let me explain ...

In December of 2011, things in my personal life were simply horrible. I had no idea how to end a relationship that I had been faking being happy in for several years and I felt helpless and hopeless.  I had started hitting a bottom that I really did not want to hit.  With choices made by another, choices were forced on my part.  Only to be halted briefly with what January brought. 

In January 2012, I came to realize that I had become a bigger part of a co-dependent relationship.  Me. Miss Independent is now co-dependent. I couldn't wrap my head around it.  I allowed lies, deceit, cheating and selfishness to become and overwhelm me.  I started to feel, once again, that I deserved to be treated this way.  With one more lie, a change I had hoped for ended.  Only I didn't realize it.  

February is pretty much a blur, all I really remember is feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders again and not a single person to trust by my side. But, I started to make plans for me and my girls, plans that did not include this other person in my life. 

March was the beginning of the end of a chapter of my life, actually it was more like a volume in my encyclopedic auto-biography, but alas, it was the beginning of an end and the start of a new beginning.  I finally found my way out of this toxicity I had been involved in, and it was a lot easier then I imagined.  I also learned that I had developed a cyst again on my ovary, a fairly large one too, which was a large part of some other issues I was having, which I had attributed to just being caused by stress.

April, May, June and July were spent working on me, on my own happiness. I needed to find a place where I felt whole again.  A place where I knew who I was again.  It didn't take long, but it took a whole lot of courage on my part.  I was battling with becoming an improved me. 

August hit me hard, both in a good way and a bad way.  I'll explain the bad part first.  I had this looming feeling that another chapter of my life was coming to an end.  I had been working in a job that I thought I loved for nearly 6 years, but just wasn't happy anymore.  I wanted a way out without actually quitting or having to find another job.  As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for, because you will, eventually, get it.  It wasn't so much that I needed to be careful with what I was wishing for, but rather, that I was ready for what I was wishing for.  At the end of August, I had been informed that I was losing my job, corporate America had come in and taken over the small company that I had loved working for and shutting down the department I was a part of.  I was both happy and sad upon hearing this news.  I was happy because I can finally do what I love without having to worry about the effects of quitting a job. But sad because this was something I could rely on, a job with benefits and was very flexible when I needed it to be.  I had also started really talking to Al, literally, the man of my dreams, also someone I didn't think I would ever find. But from the very minute things "got real" with him, I embraced every moment of it, I feared nothing.  Which leads me into September...

September brought me to a whole new volume in my encyclopedic auto-biography.  My best friend and I took a weekend trip to Gettysburg to visit a very dear friend and celebrate our birthdays.  I can honestly say, it was one of the best trips I have ever taken.  We laughed so much and had so much fun.  I turned 35 and got one of the best birthday gifts ever ... Al.  We had our first "official" date the day after my birthday and we've been together since.  Then, on September 10th, I received some news that practically devastated me.  I not only had a cyst on one of my ovaries, but now on both of them.  This would mean surgery.  I had to have my tubes tied, my right ovary removed, the cyst taken off my left ovary and have a uterine ablation. This means no more kids. Not that I really wanted anymore, but it's still felt a lot like my womanhood was being ripped away from me.  In the end, I also had to have my appendix out because it was twisted up with the cyst from my ovary ... can you say OUCH! It was also confirmed that I had stage 4 endometriosis, which was no big surprise, I had known for years that I suffered from it, just not the severity of it.   Back to Al, when I say that I literally found the man of my dreams, I really mean it.  I have forever said that I just want a man who will take care of me, not necessarily financially, but more in the terms of emotionally, physically and mentally ... and that is exactly what I have with Al!!!!  He completely amazes me and I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world to have this man in my life!!! 

The rest of year has brought nothing but increased happiness in my life.  I finally feel like I am where I should be and I got to experience NYC and cross off two of my bucket list items with the man of my dreams and we had an amazing time!!!  So, goodbye 2012, you were good to me, but I have to make room for new and exciting experiences in 2013.

I hope you all have a wonderful new year filled with positive change and love.

Peace, Love and Light, 

Christine
http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Taking the magic out of Christmas ... and bringing it back. Part 9.

"You see, Mrs. Walker, this is quite an opportunity 

for me. For the past 50 years or so I've been getting

 more and more worried about Christmas. Seems we're 

all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas 

and I are sort of getting lost in the shuffle."

~Kris Kringle (Miracle on 34th Street)

Part 9 is dedicated to making new traditions.  When I was kid, I use to think Christmas would remain the same, see Part 2 of this series to read about what Christmas was like when I was young.  Then, all of a sudden, it wasn't. Something changed.  I don't think I can really pinpoint the year it changed, but there came a point in time when Gram stopped making dinner, family stopped coming over and spending the day and it was just ... different.  Everything changed, but didn't.  Then we grew up, grew apart and now, if we see each other on the holidays, it's merely a coincidence.

So, Christmas traditions changed.  But it never seemed to be the same.  Then in 2001, when Gram died, Christmas would never be what she made it to be.  Christmas, as we knew it in our family, died, with my grandmother.  That first Christmas after she died was tough!!!  And my own Christmas traditions really didn't start to become real traditions until 2007, when I bought my house, could have a real tree again and decided that I would be the one making Christmas dinner every year.  The only thing that mattered to me then was that my daughter had a nice Christmas, and that she had some sort of tradition to count on each year just like I did.

As stated in Part 1, in 2004, my oldest daughter and I began our own new tradition of buying a new ornament each year for our tree, which I now also do with my youngest.  Their first year out on their own, they will both receive their ornaments as a set to remind them of our annual Christmas tradition, which I fully intend on continuing with them even after they are all grown up and beginning to make their own traditions.  I have made Christmas dinner  for the past 5 years and my parents, aunt and uncle come over and share in a feast.  This year is different, though.  This year, the difference is what has changed during this year.  A new beginning means new traditions will also begin. 

Now to get to my point of this post, as one tradition ends, it doesn't mean that Christmas isn't what it should be, it simply means it is evolving. Imagine if everything stayed the same, how boring would life be?  But there are certain things that people want to remain the same, forever.  Unfortunately, forever isn't, well ... forever. People get depressed around the holidays, they miss their loved ones who have passed, miss traditions of days gone by and this causes them to hate this time of year.  Holiday shopping becomes a hassle rather then memories to be made and people just seem to be too busy to really see the true magic of Christmas as adults.   It's time to wake up and smell that freshly brewed coffee you make everyday and realize that as one tradition ends, it is up to you to create new ones, with the people that are in your life today, they are the ones that are the most important and are the ones who will help make new Christmas traditions with you.  Whether your new traditions are similar to those of yesteryear or completely different, one thing is for certain, they are YOURS. And they are IMPORTANT.  Don't let the spirit of Christmas get lost in change, embrace that change and let the spirit of Christmas live within your heart and start making new traditions that can be carried on and shared with future generations.  

What has changed in your traditions and how have you made new traditions? 

Peace, Love and Light, 

Christine

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct. 25, 2012

“If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet,  you'd best teach it to dance."

~George Bernard Shaw I seen this quote the other day and fell in love with it.  We all know how hard it is to keep secrets about ourselves under wraps, partly the reason why I am such an open book about my life.  There are just some parts of life that people wish to erase, but why?  This has forever been a question in my mind. Why not try to learn from the occurrence?  Why have a heart full of regret and a head full of secrets? Freud believed you could gain insight by making your unconscious thoughts conscious, meaning by repressing certain occurrences and making yourself believe that they never happened, you are doing yourself a great disservice.  In most cases, bringing to light the reasons behind what happened can often bring you to a place where you can live with the occurrence.  He believed the treatment process for many depressed and anxiety ridden beings was to go through a psychoanalytical healing process where repressed emotions and experiences are brought to the surface and dealt with on the conscious level. This is not to say that if you have skeletons in your closet that you are depressed or have anxiety attacks, and it is also not to suggest that you need therapy.  However, if you are keeping skeletons locked away, and are in any way feeling the burden of them, free them, or, as Mr. Shaw suggests, teach them to dance.  The first step in any process of healing is always to accept that we no longer have control over what is ailing us.  The step is there, it's up to you to take it, it is also the hardest. But is well worth it. http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct. 19, 2012

"Service to others is the rent you pay 

for your room here on earth."

~Mohammed Ali

How often do you help others? Do you help when you are asked? Do you offer help when you know someone is in need? You may not even realize it, but your every day actions may be helping another person.  I recently was told by someone that I was a mentor to them and I have met this person maybe twice, simply by my posts on social networks.  I was shocked, honored and a bit proud of myself as well.  Proud?, you may be asking ... yes, proud.  Proud because by me, just being me, I have, even if it was in the smallest form, help someone else become motivated about their own life.  Someone who is almost a stranger.  Think about that.  How many people are you really helping just by being ... YOU?  No matter how big that number, the point is you are being of service to others, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, near or far, you are helping people.  That is <insert whichever higher power you believe you in here>'s  plan.  To be of a greater good is to be of service to those around you as well as yourself. 

Even a smile can be the highlight of someones day, the uplift they needed, even if you don't get one in return.  Holding the door for the mother with the stroller so she doesn't have to struggle or helping that little old man who is having trouble getting his hands to work the way they use to.  It takes a very minimal amount of time to help another, and even if it takes longer then you anticipated or expected, remember that everything happens for a reason and the delay was to prevent you from choosing another path to go down at that particular moment.  Being of service to others brings us back to a point in time when things didn't move so quickly.  When life had meaning and people valued others. The more you help others, the better YOUR world will be.  Being the change you wish to see does not have to be on a global scale, it simply has to begin ... and end ... with you.  

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct. 15, 2012

"Mirrors should think longer before they reflect."

~Jean Cocteau

Take a look in the mirror.  What do you see? Do you see someone you like, or more importantly, do you see someone you love?  In order to fully allow another to love you, you must first love YOU.  I firmly believe that.  I believe that without the love of oneself, it is impossible for another person to fully love you.  The reasons are simple, how can another love you when you aren't really who you want to be? How can you ask another to love you and learn who you are at the same time you are also learning who you are?  

Loving yourself is an important part of becoming who you want to be.  I honestly believe that people who settles on themselves are the ones who end up lost and looking for more change later on in life.  I do also believe that we are ever changing beings, constantly growing and evolving into who we were meant to be.  Some people just take longer to get there, but at no one's expense but their own. 

Look in that mirror again, really look at the person staring back at you.  How can you NOT love that person?  

Love you. Love your reflection. And let your self love shine. It's worth it, trust me.

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct. 12, 2012

"Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; 

anyone who can consistently laugh

at himself does not."

~Vaclav Havel

How much fun do you have in life?  Do you take everything too seriously? Do you live like it's your last day?  

I can remember a time, not too long ago, where I was always more concerned about what is going to happen next, rather then what is happening NOW.  Through much support and sharing, I learned to live in the moment, to let my free spirit soar in the moment of the here and now.  I no longer worry about what tomorrow will bring, because, well, quite honestly, tomorrow may never come.

I have always tried to never take anything or anyone for granted.  It is so easy to get caught up in every day life that we tend to forget to tell those whom we love just how much they mean to us.  We get caught up in the trivial things that occur on a daily basis. We forget to "stop and smell the roses."

What if ... becomes a norm in our thinking. 

If only ... becomes the excuse of why we have become complacent.

Has your vocabulary been filled with "what if" and "if only" lately?  It's never to late to find new words and replace the current ones. 

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct. 10, 2012

"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen 

its shadow from the sky."

~Amelia Earhart

Ever feel like you've all of a sudden been escalated to Cloud Nine? That feeling of pure euphoria, like nothing can bring you down?  If you have that feeling now then you are probably constantly smiling, having positive thoughts and have a little bit of pep to your step.  

Being on Cloud Nine does not have to mean you are delusional or unrealistic.  It just means that you have gotten rid of most, if not all, that causes you discomfort and stress.  It means that you have been able to step back from your own situation and see it from a different vantage point.  

I have recently been thrown up on Cloud Nine, without so much as a blink of an eye and *poof*, there I was. Just when I thought it to be impossible, reality hit me. HARD. I have gotten everything I have asked for this year, perhaps even a bit more, but when you stop to look at things from a completely different vantage point, the euphoria of life is right there, within your reach. 

What would you do differently to have that feeling of being on Cloud Nine? Would you be willing to take every risk put in front of you, accept the change when it presents itself and soar through the clouds?  

That whisper you are hearing, from your gut, telling you yes .... listen to it. Go do it.

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct. 9, 2012

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

~Albert Einstein

Does your life sometimes seem insane? Do you find yourself looking for a different answer in the same spot?  

Sometimes we are too involved in a certain situation that we can't see the reality of the situation and we find ourselves going round and round in circles.  When this occurs, it is helpful to just step back from the insanity and look at it from a different perspective.  It is also good to accept when a situation has gotten so out of control that you cannot possibly get through it on your own.  When you have a situation in your life that has taken complete control and caused your life to be unmanageable, it is necessary to accept this fact, first and foremost, otherwise, you will never be able to get through it.  Acceptance is the first step to your path of sanity.  Most people who have something that is so controlling cannot just walk away without the support of others.

I have been in a situation where things were so out of control they seemed normal. I had people surrounding me telling me that I wasn't being reasonable, that I was only setting myself up for further pain, but yet, they stuck by me.  They didn't judge me, they didn't tell me that I needed to do anything. They were only telling me what they were seeing from their perspective. I thought they didn't understand, when in all reality, it was ME  that didn't understand.  I sought out the services of a support group, people who were also in the same situation would surely understand why I stayed in this situation.  As it turned out, I was both right and wrong. Thankfully, I gained enough strength to walk away from the situation and have found a much happier place in my life, but I never would have or could have done it on my own.  I have found strength by living one day at a time and by accepting that I am not in control by way of  the serenity prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Turn your life upside down, completely change your course of action, take that sharp right when you should have turned left, but most important, seek the help of others when you need it. 

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct 5, 2012

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely."  

~Auguste Rodin

Every chance you take on life provides you with a lesson, one you can either choose to learn from or ignore.  Ignoring the lesson put in front of you leads you blindly down the next path, which will only lead you back to the same fork in the road.  Taking the time to really see the lesson and what it's value is on your life will take you to the next path you are to be headed down.  

How do you handle your lessons? Do you embrace them and learn from them or do you ignore them and continue down the path to come back full circle only to wonder why you keep having the same thing happen over and over again?  The change you wish to see begins with you and only you.  No one else is responsible for your choices.  

Embrace your lessons.  Walk blindly no more. 

http://www.lifetimememorieswny.com

Quote of the day ... Oct 3, 2012

"May you live to be a hundred years

With one extra year to repent."

~Author Unknown

A life of regret is something I refuse to ever have.  I love taking chances, risks and have faith that I will always end up on the right path.  I have recently been forced into change that I was not fully prepared for, although, I am probably more ready that I think I am, because I am here, doing this and loving it all. 

How do you react when change is forced upon you?  Do you take in stride or immediately panic? Do you turn inward and see how only the here and now is affected or do you force yourself to see the situation for what it is and what opportunities are there for you?  Your life is dependent on no one but YOU! Make it great!  

Go fishing where you are prohibited.